


afraid of love

by killmongersgurl



Series: redeemed!softboi [16]
Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 16:34:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17026233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killmongersgurl/pseuds/killmongersgurl





	afraid of love

Erik was gone.

You made the mistake of telling him that you loved him and he disappeared, without a trace. You hadn’t heard from him for a week: no phone calls, no text messages, no bumping into each other purely by accident at the store, and not a damn fucking email. This nigga had you  _checking your email_  for him. It was almost like he’d never existed in the first place, and the only proof you had of his presence in your life was your broken heart. It hurt, but you knew exactly who you were dealing with from the beginning. You knew that you would be taking a risk with him.

 _“I’m damaged goods, baby,”_  he would joke whenever he needed to sneak his way out of a conversation that got too serious.

He was damaged goods, and you both knew it—he warned your dumb ass, for goodness’ sake.

And he was gone.

So you let it go.

That being said, one could only imagine your surprise when he showed up at the front door of your apartment one night at two in the morning. You probably should have leapt into his arms, bombarding him with questions about where he had been and what trouble he had gotten himself into this time. Instead, the sight of him just standing there pissed you off. You were  _angry_ , angrier than you’d ever been with him. How dare he just infiltrate your life when you hadn’t even asked him to, leave, and just show up at your door and stand there as if he belonged there?

Silences between the two of you were normally pleasant, nice lulls that you both took to relish in each other’s presence. But now, this silence that filled the air as you watched each other was strange.  _Awkward_. You could tell that he felt it as he stood in the hall, clenching his fists and rolling his tongue around in his mouth. It made you want to hug him.

You crossed your arms, forcing the bravest face you could. “I’m surprised you didn’t just use your key.”

The sound of your voice seemed to catch him off guard. He set his jaw. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?”

“I’m sorry about what I did.”

“About you leaving with no explanation, you mean. Thank you for your apology—“

“Come on, don’t be like that.”

Silence filled the air again as he struggled to keep his eyes on yours. His eyes darted from your face, to the couch behind you, and to the doorknob before he finally looked down. This made you swallow, all because you missed him. You hated it and you wanted to hate him, but you couldn’t hate this man if you tried— _and you did_ —because you loved—

“I can be however I wanna be with  _you_ ,” you spat as you reached for the doorknob. “You could have just told me that you didn’t feel the same, instead of leaving and making me look stupid.”

He held a hand out before you could close the door in his face.

“Move, Erik—“

“It’s not that I don’t feel the same,” he blurted. It was such a strange thing to hear from him, this blurting, because he never just  _blurted_  anything. He was always sure of himself and of everything he said. He continued to avoid your eyes. “I just… This shit is scary.”

“What is?”

“This.  _You_. Us. I’m not used to all this…. all this tender shit.”

“I know you’re not,” you said before you could stop yourself. You took a moment to watch him, carefully releasing your grip on the doorknob to cross your arms again. You looked to your feet, pursing your lips at how they were just curling like that. Had they been doing that the whole time? You stretched your toes out and planted your feet flat on the ground. “Damaged goods, remember?”

He gave a chuckle. The sound was soft and low, making your stomach turn as your breath hitched in your throat. “Yeah, damaged goods. And you still… you still wanted me.”

You glanced at him with a shrug. “I still want you.”

His mouth fell open as he hesitated, struggling with his next words. Finally, he shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sharp sigh. “You told me— You told me you loved me—“

“And I meant that shit.”

“—but I don’t know what that shit is anymore. I don’t think I ever did. Not after last time.”

You blinked at him, a frown tugging your mouth down. He hated talking about that, and yet he had been the one to bring it up. The uneasiness was just radiating off of him as he stood before you. You held your arms closer to yourself, resisting the urge to take him into your arms and comfort him. “Erik, it’s okay. You don’t have to—“

“You the best relationship I’ve ever had. I kept thinkin’ that it wasn’t real and that it was too good to be true. That  _you_  were too good to be true and that you would leave me. ‘Cuz that’s what happened with—“ He groaned, shaking his head as he winced and flinched. “ _Shit_.”

A sharp pang of pity pinched at your heart for him. You’d never seen him so vulnerable and so…  _sad_. You swallowed and took a step toward him. “I’ll only leave if you give me a reason to leave. Like if you hurt me. And you hurt me when you disappeared like that.”

“I—“ He groaned, shaking his head. “I wanted to hurt you before you could hurt me. So I left before you could leave me.”

You stepped away from him with a scoff. “Damn it, Erik, you can’t be so selfish. It’s not just a ‘you’ situation anymore, it’s  _us_.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just— I’m not used to this shit.”

“I know, nigga! You keep saying that shit! Say something new!”

He finally met your eyes, throwing his arm down and fisting his hand at his side. “What the fuck do you want me to say?! I don’t wanna lose you, but you scare the shit out of me!”

 _“Hey! Keep it quiet!”_  a muffled voice called out.  _“I got kids sleeping over here! Handle that shit in the morning!”_

Erik sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. He clearly hadn’t meant to say that. He bit into his lip, taking a moment to think. “I see my future when I look at you and that fucks me up ‘cuz that’s not supposed to happen.”

His words made you clench your jaw. “You make it sound like a bad thing.”

“I don’t… It’s a greater chance of gettin’ hurt.”

 _Again_ , you heard him leave out.

“I won’t hurt you, Erik. Don’t you believe me?”

Erik hesitated. He looked distressed as he looked to his feet, struggling to speak. Seeing him like this was fucking with you, because the betrayal that he had experienced still had a hold on him. It was clear, and you both knew it. You couldn’t hold that—his hurt and his pain—against him; that wouldn’t be fair.

You finally walked up to him, half-because you knew that he was too scared to approach you and half-because you just wanted to be near him. You missed him. You also wanted to help him heal. You took his face into your hands, forcing him to meet your eyes with gentle strokes of your thumbs to his cheeks.

He winced as he watched you, his fingers moving to wrap themselves around your wrists. He held you tight, setting his jaw as he took a slow and calming breath through his nostrils. “I love you too.”

“I know.”

“I’m— I’m scared.” He released a sharp breath, as if a load had been lifted from his broad shoulders. “I’m scared as fuck.”

“That’s okay. I’d never hurt you.”

He swallowed.  _Hard_. “I know. I know you won’t. I won’t… I won’t do that shit again.”

Your lips met his for the first time in a week, but it felt like it had been ages. You kissed as slowly and as patiently as he needed, swallowing his soft moans as his fingers dug into the flesh of your wrists. You didn’t mind.

_____

The sex you had that night was unlike any other you’d ever had with him, or any other man for that matter. It was nothing like the way the two of you normally fucked; nothing harsh or rough about it. You moved together slowly, immersing yourselves in one another as you rode him and took him deep into your belly while he watched you with a firm grip on your hips.

Erik believed that he was undeserving of your love, and unworthy of allowing himself to thoroughly love you back. He was afraid of it, and you felt the need to teach him differently. You wanted to express to him the true depths of your feelings through your body, declaring and proclaiming it to him— _for him and only him_ —with the way you moved and took him, because this was a love that you both deserved to claim and have everyone know about.

You took Erik’s face into your hands and kissed him as deeply and as lovingly as you rode him, swallowing his low and almost guttural groans as he dug his fingers into your ass. He pulled away from your lips to leave a hot trail of kisses along the length of your neck. The open-mouthed kisses, innocent pecks, and sweet nibbles that he left made you hiss and throw your head back, before he hugged you close and took a nipple into his mouth.

You cradled his head to your chest, gripping onto his hair with a weak moan. His tongue swirled around your nipple and sucked with reverence, with an earnestness that suggested it would be absolutely raw and sensitive when the two of you were done. Your vision was hazy as your eyes rolled back before they fluttered shut. “Erik—“

He raised a hand to smack your ass, drawing a sharp moan from you as his open palms moved to touch every bit of you they could reach. Your toes were restless, curling and uncurling as the flat of his tongue continued to tease the peaks of your breasts. This man had effectively ruined sex for you and erased the memory of every man you had encountered from your mind, from the moment he had first touched you, filling your mind with thoughts of  _him_  and  _only_ him. You were sure that no man could touch him, and that he would be the only one to ever come to mind whenever you thought of intimacy.

A sharp hiss of his name slipped past your lips. He was being almost too attentive and you couldn’t take anymore, so you took his face back into your hands and pulled him away from your breasts to kiss him. The way that your lips moved together was nice and slow— _so softly_ —the perfect complement to just how tenderly you were both treating each other. This kiss was as sweet as he was with you, and all you could do was stutter his name into his mouth because his name was the only thing you could remember at the moment.

He placed one last kiss onto your lips before pulling away to watch you. It made your stomach turn to see him watching you like that, because he had never even glanced at you in such a way. It was fucking with you, so you braced your hands onto his chest, closed your eyes, and threw your head back.

Erik grabbed your hands and tugged you forward with a growl, forcing you to meet his eyes and brace your forearms on either side of his face. He wrapped an arm around your waist, holding you still as he slowly took control of the pace with steady pumps. You swallowed as your noses brushed with your movements, your harsh breaths brushing each other’s lips. It was almost too much to have him watching you like that, and so closely, but this made it easier for him to kiss you.

He gave you kisses that were entirely too sweet to be coming from him, yet sweet enough to be gifted to you. Kisses to your cheek and your forehead, and to your neck and shoulder, and kisses to your lips as he continued to watch you as if you were the best thing he’s ever known.

It was too much.

A whimper slipped past your lips as your eyes fluttered shut. He smacked your ass, forcing your eyes open. He wanted to see you. You moaned and threaded your fingers through his dreads, grabbing them. “Baby, I’m gonna come.”

He simply kissed you again before whispering against your lips, “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I mean that shit.”

Your eyes fell shut. “I know, baby.”

He smacked your ass with a grunt and you met his eyes with a shout, his deft fingers giving your flesh a gentle massage as you jolted against him. “I love you.”

“ _Erik_.”

“Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You shuddered against him. It was getting harder and harder to keep your eyes open for him. “Fuck, Erik.”

“Greatest fuckin’ thing that’s ever been mine.” He kissed you with a groan. “Come all over this dick.”

“You—  _Fuck_ , Erik, you feel good—“

He kissed you again, hugging you close as his fingers continued to dig into your ass, gripping it with a possessiveness he seemed to have been keeping himself from expressing with you. He paid no mind to your fluttering eyes, choosing instead to focus on the gradual shift of his pumps into a more deliberate pace. These strokes were controlled and thorough, long and deep and absolutely unhurried strokes that ground into you and had your eyes falling completely shut as your mouth fell open with helpless gasps.

You could feel yourself dripping onto him but couldn’t find it in yourself to care, because  _this_  was lovemaking: tender and deliberate fucking that you could feel deep within your chest and core as you screamed his name.

“Come for me,” he whispered before kissing your chin. He nipped at it. “I wanna feel you come all over this dick, princess.”

That little nickname forced a sudden orgasm out of you that coursed through your body and left you temporarily blinded as you screamed and you both came. It left you trembling as if you were in the dead of winter, even though it was the middle of spring. You were left absolutely disconcerted and so dizzy that all you could do was dig your fingers into his hair and hug him close as he licked and kissed your neck while you panted.

 _Bliss_.

Erik placed another kiss into your neck before moving to fully kiss your lips. He kissed you deeply and thoroughly, gently nibbling and sucking on your lips with a practiced sort of patience, as he took you all over again through your mouth. It felt so good to be like this with him, to have your naked bodies fused with one another as your come dripped down the inside of your thighs and he continued to rest inside of you. This man was entirely yours, just as you were his.

He turned you over, moving to place you on your back as he began to kiss his way down your stomach. A soft moan slipped past your lips, followed by a sharp hiss as your fingers shot down to grab for his hair.

“Baby, please,” you begged, despite arching into him and his kisses. “I have work later.”

He simply kissed his way up your inner thigh. “I’ll call out for you.”


End file.
